I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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