You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
