the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
