GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
