Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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