i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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