I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
