I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In other news, I just burned my penis
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
