He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
