Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
