Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
