Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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