There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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