4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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