i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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