you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
