She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize