Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then my night got REAL pukey
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
