i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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