His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
