so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
