Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
