I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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