I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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