just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
