Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
