I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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