you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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