im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
