all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
