we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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