Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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