I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize