She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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