So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
