I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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