I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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