I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
