i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
