my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You did what with his pubic hair?
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