3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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