and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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