Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
