is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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