Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
