I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
