It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
