look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize