textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize