people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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