So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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