I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
