Yo dont text me then not text me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
