You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
