I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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