I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
