this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
