the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
