Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
