So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
